Freedom for me? Yes. Freedom for you? Um...
Why it's not possible (for me) to have one without the other
Before you read this, please note there’s some housekeeping at the bottom of this essay that I’d like you to read to ensure you are getting the right amount of emails from me (ie, not too many). But you’re free not to read it… which nicely segues into my essay…
Last night I went to see Footloose, a musical put on by my local community theatre. The acting, singing and dancing were terrific. But my enjoyment of the evening was significantly dampened by a line near the end of the first act. The lead character, speaking about the unfairness of the town’s religious-based rules against dancing, yelled out “we want freedom” as the other actors cheered.
I instantly got angry.
In that moment, based on my assumptions about the political views of the Toronto arts world and my local community (assumptions that, I admit, came into the theatre with me from the start), my mind decided to create a show of its own that crowded out the light-hearted musical I was right in front of.
The moviemaker in my mind recreated the experiences, and the feeling, of rejection during the restrictions and vaccine mandates that started in 2020. My mental VR headset showed me the front page hurtful news headlines about the unvaccinated and the derisive comments of pundits in the news and people on Twitter. My internal furnace generated the fires of injustice. And the director in my mind decided to put every person in the cast, crew and audience as part of an angry mob intent on, and even deriving joy from, hurting me. She didn’t even bother to distinguish the difference between real people talking and the lines said by an actor, written by someone else. All of this happened in a flash.
The dominant feeling that emerged within me was an urge to shout everyone down for their hypocrisy. I believed they had no right to claim support for freedom, that they only wanted freedom for themselves, not for people they disagreed with.
At the intermission I cooled down a little and was able to watch the rest of the show without the urge to bolt from my seat. But my discomfort and residual anger remained.
Today, I sat down with a pen and paper and examined that feeling. I questioned my assumptions and I saw what had happened.
The hypocrite, in that moment, was me. I didn’t mean to be a hypocrite, but I was. And I don’t blame myself for it. Hypocrisy is part of having a human ego. I’m just glad to see it now.
Where am I a hypocrite?
I want freedom to have my own opinion about political issues, like the Covid mandates, but I don’t want to give others the freedom to have the polar opposite opinion of me - there’s still part of me that is desperate to change their opinion.
I want freedom to speak out loud about what I think, but I didn’t want to give the freedom to those actors to say the words “we want freedom”. I regularly turn off the news specifically so I won’t hear people say things I disagree with.
I want freedom from judgement of my past actions. I have lost my temper, been unkind, and excluded people in the past, but I never want people to judge me according to those mistakes, I want them to see me as a whole, multidimensional human. Yet I don’t want to free people from the actions they took and the things they said in the past, I just lock them in the category of enemies and that’s that.
Finally, I want freedom from other people’s assumptions. I hated it when others assumed I was part of an evil, science-disdaining mob, neatly summed up with some kind of perjorative label. Yet I don’t want to give people freedom to be individuals, with very diverse ways of looking at life and politics. Instead of realizing each person in that audience, cast and crew was a unique individual whose views on life, politics, and religion, including as it related to Covid, varied widely, I lumped them all into the same assumption-filled basket.
Once I saw all of this, I felt so much lighter. I see how my grasping for something I can’t have - control over what other people say, think and do - is exhausting and painful. I see how my assumptions weigh me down and keep me imprisoned in the past. And once I see what my mind is doing, I have the ability to stop doing it.
As I mentally released everyone from the angry mob I’d put them in, as I released their present selves from the actions of their past selves (just as the me today might like to undo my past mistakes but can’t), and as I released other people from the need to think like me, I felt lighter with each moment.
I still have a long way to go to freeing myself and others from the assumptions, resentments and hurts that I’m still holding on to. But I approach that journey with a renewed commitment to freedom. And I trust life will continue to point out to me when I’m hypocritical about it, since every time it does, I experience more of that amazing light.
Now for the housekeeping - I have two separate email lists. One is for a newsletter to those interested in my emotional coaching practice, where I see clients one on one and offer workshops. The other is this one - for Substack, where I simply write about my thoughts. Sometimes I use the Substack newsletter content for my coaching one, and vice versa. If you don’t want to get the coaching newsletter, please unsubscribe and you’ll just get this Substack one. You’ll be able to tell which is the coaching newsletter because it’s shorter, and it ends with a picture of me. And it doesn’t have the words Substack at the end :)
> I don’t want to give others the freedom to have the polar opposite opinion of me - there’s still part of me that is desperate to change their opinion.
Nor should you want to give others "that freedom". Remember what we're talking about here, it's not opinions about flavours of ice cream or musc or other aesthetic preferences, it's "freedom to hurt/kill/enslave others". You should be desperate to try to change these evil opinions, for your own protection / survival if nothing more.
> but I didn’t want to give the freedom to those actors to say the words “we want freedom”
It wasn't their words or even their ideas that offended you - it was the very real guns they essentially yielded, during those lockdowns and all the other nonconsensual aggression they support.
> I want freedom from judgement of my past actions
You're ignoring the other side of that coin - judgement for your past achievements and virtues :p. Can't have one without the other.
> I have lost my temper, been unkind, and excluded people in the past,
These aren't "mistakse"? Being more specific would help - were you angry / unkind / exclusionary with good honorable people? Or were you just antagonistic with people who literally wanted to (supported) (physically) hurting you?
> I never want people to judge me according to those mistakes
If mistakes were made then they should probably be regarded as war badges, like all those little pins that military generals wear, of obstacles you overcame and conquered and became better thereby - still not things you want to get erased. They demonstrate your experience in battle, with adversity, etc. Useful and good information to have *and judge* :p.
> I want them to see me as a whole, multidimensional human.
Let's take the example of a violent-lockdown-supporting thug, who also donates 90% of his money to charity every month. What does it mean to look at such a person "holistically / multidimensionally"? He's/She's evil and needs to be stopped - his/her charity is nice, of course, but nothing can trump/justify their evil-aggression - that takes precedence in any moral calculus? I suppose their other charitable acts can be taken into consideration in the sentencing phase of their trials. But there's not much wiggle room for leniency after such crimes - ie. they were willing (or did) kill people. (Every law is backed by the threat to kill, if disobeyed/resisted enough.)
> I just lock them in the category of enemies and that’s that
Nah, THEY are putting THEMSELVES in this category. Again, remember, they want(ed) to literally kill you, if you "opposed lockdowns" (aka. chose to continue peacefully working, or visiting family ... or if you didn't pay for their doctors/healthcare, etc).
> I lumped them all into the same assumption-filled basket.
Apparently these are safe assumptions. Molyneux also came from the theater/acting world (national theater school somewhere here in canada), and he says that he was highly esteemed there at first until they found out about his (anti-commie) politics, after which he was shunned and basically kicked out.
> see how my grasping for something I can’t have - control over what other people say, think
Nah, you don't really care that much about what people SAY or THINK - words and thoughts don't really hurt you ...
> and do
... ^ this is the real concern. I wouldn't mind commies and lockdown-statists if they just yapped all day. The problem is they have real guns pointed at me/us, and they DO use them. People have been rounded up like slaves/animals over these lockdowns. I remember one story of a priest? It's delicious irony that this play they were performing was bashing the totalitarianism of christianity, when the recent reality was the exact opposite - totalitarian commies persecuting christians.
> I see how my assumptions weigh me down and keep me imprisoned in the past
It's not the assumptions that are weighing you down :p - it's the very real evilness/danger from these people (statistically speaking). And the issue is not in the past, it's in the present - they STILL want to hurt/enslave you. You wouldn't be having these reactions if they were 80yo cripples in Ancapistan - if they held the same evil beliefs about slavery, and even put on theater plays to promote it.
> and as I released other people from the need to think like me,
Don't do that :P ... make sure everyone thinks like you - about not hurting other innocent people! Do not "tolerate" their aggression! Tolerance of intolerance yada yada.
I want to receive everything you send, even if (especially because?) I feel free to disagree or agree, respond or not respond. 🙏🌱