What is a new year?

And does it need to be happy?

The promise of a new beginning holds great appeal. Grand resolutions that will wipe away the bad habits of the past and usher in brand new and healthier ones are proposed in moments of enthusiasm and energy as we dream of the better us that will emerge from such efforts. I think such resolutions are great if they are heartfelt and come from joy. It matters not whether we are successful in following through if it gives us joy to dream of these changes, or a useful target or goal to refer back to in times of uncertainty or aimlessness.

What I would like do is to extend this idea of a new beginning into every moment of our lives. January 1st as a New Year is pretty abitrary - it’s based on an invented calendar. Depending on our culture we may mark the new year at completely different times - in the fall with Rosh Hashana, or later in January or February with Chūnjié or Tet. But there is no need for us to start our new year on any of those dates. We can start it on January 2nd, or July 1st, or December 31st. We can start it an hour from now, or ten months from now. Or, we can start our new year in this very moment.

Whatever we want to erase and let go of, whatever new approaches we want to try, can be done right now in our own declaration of our personal new year. We don’t need to be burdened by anything we consider as a mistake or a problem from the past, waiting for some distant new beginning to wipe the slate clean. We can actually choose to let go of our past right now if we want, because the past simply doesn’t exist anymore. It’s gone and this new moment we have right now is as fresh as a newborn baby, or the brightly unfolding petals of a flower.

And does this New Year or new moment need to be happy? Wishing each other a happy New Year comes from our desire for happiness for ourselves and others. Happiness feels so good! It feels so light, it fills us with energy, it opens us up and radiates outwards towards all we come in contact with. So why wouldn’t we wish that for ourselves and others?

What I want though in this new moment is to accept how I actually feel. Because sometimes, it’s not happy. I feel sad, I feel angry, I feel jealous, I feel resentful, I feel bored, I feel lonely - there is a long list of painful emotions that run through me on a regular basis (sometimes I run the gamut over the course of mere minutes). No matter what the painful emotion is that I feel, it usually comes with what feels like a backpack full of bricks. And if that backpack had a name, it would be “you should be feeling happy”. While I think the desire for happiness is wonderful, as my own desire has led to a lot of spiritual exploration that helps me be kinder to myself and the world, the need to be happy can be crushing. It restricts me from fully experiencing the painful or so called negative emotions that arise in me, because I’m resisting them with the belief that I should be feeling happiness when I’m not. I employ strategies to make them go away that are completely ineffective and sometimes harmful (like blaming others for them and trying to make them change so that I feel better) and ultimately prolong my experience - instead of feeling intense and passing bouts of those emotions, they spread out and become a kind of chronic dissatisfaction.

Imagine what it would be like to embrace painful emotions as much as we embrace the happy ones? To love them, and ourselves, just as much as we do those more positive emotions? If we think of our emotions - or the stories that lead to them arising - as our children (or our sisters/parents/friends), then perhaps that makes it easier. If you have a child that’s sad or angry, do you think it’s best to abandon them or reject them? Or do you think it might be more helpful to you both to just comfort them, or allow them to be how they are, knowing that you love them no matter how miserable they are?

I did make a few New Year’s resolutions. One completely cliche - to join the gym down the block, so that I have a place to go run when I’m in a terrible mood no matter what the weather. One more cerebral - to go see more documentaries at the revue theatres around Toronto. The third is the one that I’d like to resolve over and over again, in the new year that arises in each moment, and that’s to accept my unhappiness when it arises as if it was that child in need of love. To allow unhappiness in and to learn from it rather than trying in vain to push it away. And who knows, maybe ending my war with unhappiness will help me feel happy more often as a result!