Proud to be a Right Winger (?)

On being authentic in polarized times. And reading past the headlines (including this one)

Does hiding my opinion work? Photo by Luis Cortés on Unsplash

Okay, so that title is click bait. While I wouldn’t label myself a left winger, I wouldn’t label myself a right winger either. And I admit, it really scares me to use the title on this essay, where it may be seen by friends and family on Facebook (that is, if my posting about it doesn’t disappear into the giant maw of social media which is probably more likely).

Most of my friends and family think of themselves as not right wing (at least that’s what I imagine they think). And, living in liberal-minded Toronto, in a country that, even when it votes conservative, is seldom as right wing in discourse as our American counterparts, it’s common to hear people refer pejoratively to Republican voters, to Trump, to right wing policies. While I used to vocally and enthusiastically contribute in agreement to those conversations, that changed for me over the last several years.

Now, when I hear those kinds of remarks, I get a pain in my back, my shoulders slump, I don’t feel good. I mostly stay quiet. And I either feel angry at people for their views, or ashamed to have my own.

With the most recent US election, I’m hearing a little more talk of politics in my circles, and while a few friends feel optimism or enthusiasm about the election, most find it really troubling. The conversations I hear are making me question whether or not to use my voice. So just for today, I decided to speak my truth, without insisting it is THE truth.

I’m not unhappy that Trump is president. I’m not appalled and confused by Trump’s election. I think RFK Jr is exciting. My friends who want us to leave industrialized agriculture tell me that there are new and exciting developments possible with some of Trump’s planned appointments. And the part of me that gets annoyed by Democrats and in Canada, left wing devotees who I felt betrayed by during COVID, feels a little “revenge” gladness at Trump’s election and the gnashing of teeth that has accompanied it.

My truth about this US election is that it’s not that bad. Trump is one person. There are 542 US federal politicians according to Google. There are over two million employees in the federal government. There are even more state, city and town politicians and employees. There are 350 million people living in the United States. Yes the president can make rules, but each member of the government, each member of the population, has the choice to implement or not implement, listen or not listen, and obey or not obey. There is a tremendous amount of power in the population, in each one of us. No matter who is in office, there are always checks and balances to political power.

I think the Democrats made a lot of mistakes in the past four years. I think Trump made a lot of mistakes in his four years before that. I disagree with policies on the left, I disagree with policies on the right. So I’m not alarmed that Trump won. In some ways I don’t think he can do a worse job than Biden did, and, crazy as it might sound to those of you who disagree, I think he might do better.

If I’m alarmed about anything, it’s about the “military industrial complex”. It’s about the separation of our hearts from our minds. It’s about the enmity of people seeing each other as wrong and bad. As long as we accept our existing political and economic structures, I don’t think who the president is makes a big difference.

But more true than my opinions, is my feelings as I write. I feel so much fear inside me saying these things. I fear people will apply the labels they use for Trump on me. I don’t want anyone to think anything bad about me, ever. This audience on Substack is pretty friendly - most of my regular readers have come to me through my writings on COVID and my opinion is likely not a shock. But I picture some of you reading this as being upset. What I have to remember is, those pictures in my mind of your reactions as you read are created by my imagination - the pictures aren’t reality. And if or when you don’t like what I write, your opinions belong to you, not me.

Unlike many times in the past, I have been listening a little more closely to people who disagree with my political perspective. And, as I work to open my mind, to find where my judgements aren’t serving me, I realize that there is genuine pain, fear and despair. That people genuinely believe Trump’s election is a sign of the apocalypse, deterioration of the country, loss of goodness in the world. I don’t agree with them, but I can absolutely connect to feeling pain, fear and despair about the future of the world. I picture the threats coming from somewhere different, but at root, the fear is the same - fear of loss of the planet, fear of nuclear war, fear of suppression of human rights, fear of an increase in human suffering in our world.

So I think it’s so important that we connect with each other on that feeling level if possible, before talking at the political one. Having done that, I’ve discovered that some Democrats share opinions that I thought only the right wing had - and vice versa. In many ways, a lot of us might be closer than we might think - if we listen, we’re going to find so much common ground.

When I legitimize people’s right to have different views than mine, and listen with open ears, I don’t necessarily change my opinions. And I definitely don’t change my values. But I get really curious so I can find out what is working, and what is not.

If I don’t listen, I might plow full steam ahead with my way of doing things, only to end up in the wrong place. This is what I’m seeing with so many political efforts. Action gets taken to try and do something good, but without calm, reasoned consideration, without throwing open the doors of discussion to everyone, not just people who feel the same way, political action can end up either unsuccessful or worse, exacerbating the problem it meant to solve.

For the past year - since the last election I ran in - I’ve been silencing myself on political topics most of the time. Partially due to frustration or my inability to stay calm when talking about things I cared about, partially because through my self inquiries I feel less strongly, with less certainty about politics, and partially because I’ve been under the impression, misguided I think, that to be enlightened means staying quiet.

This election has reminded me I like to use my voice to share my opinion - at least sometimes.

If I can honour my fear that people will dislike me for my opinion, and question my need to be liked, I can speak up when I want instead of saying silent.

If I stop believing no one wants to hear me, I can find out where my voice is welcome, and use it there, instead of banging my head against the wall in the wrong places.

If I can drop the idea that I’m right - or that I need to convince other people that I am - I can speak with clarity instead of anger or condescension.

And most importantly, if I can remember that other people care about the same things as I do - that they want peace, love, a beautiful planet - I can listen compassionately and stay connected throughout disagreement. Because if I’m ready to speak up, I better get ready to listen at the same time.

I would love to get to a place where we could talk politics without freaking out at each other - externally or internally. When we discuss movies, hobbies or any neutral topic, we are all perfectly capable of disagreeing while still respecting the person - even if they like/don’t like to knit, or snowboard, or to watch the latest blockbuster movie. It doesn’t have to be different when it comes to politics.

I don’t know if “we” can all get to that place. But I’m hoping I can. And I’m glad we’re here together.

---

In case you’ve been wondering where I’ve been, I’ve been devoting myself full time to the practice called The Work. Most of my writing has been in the form of worksheets, where I question stressful beliefs I’ve been carrying around with me for years! So I haven’t been here too often - and I’m not sure I’ll stay. But I have to say that it does feel good to be back. And I love that you’re still with me!